I haven't blogged for weeks and this is why /// Part 2 of 3 - The Troll

Before I start this post I'd like to say, on behalf of Leon and I, thank you so much for the many comments and messages you've sent since the post about his skin cancer diagnosis was published the other day. We were both very touched and it's great to have your support at a time like this. I think Leon is going to write a comment to thank you himself when he has a moment, so I'll leave it there.

Anyway, the second reason I haven't blogged very much in recent weeks is because I seem to have been targeted by a person I can only describe as a troll. I don't want to talk about him too much or go into huge amounts of detail about what he's said - to be honest I'm not even really sure who he is. I have a name, but I have a feeling it isn't his real name because he says he's an artist (and the way he describes himself, he sounds as if he should be a fairly established artist) but the odd thing is: when I type his name into Google nothing comes up. Not a single thing. And even if you're an artist who doesn't have a visible internet presence, you're usually mentioned somewhere by somebody on the internet.

He has tried to post comments on my blog (he's the only reason comments are no longer immediately published on the blog, but have to be 'approved' first) and has written to me by email around three or four times. His messages are basically a vile stream of his thoughts and assumptions about me as an artist and person, my career, and my life. He insults me and tells me what he believes to be the 'truth' about me and certain recent situations in my life (in almost every single assumption he has been so far off the mark it would be laughable if it wasn't so nasty) and any attempt I make to write to him in a calm way to tell him the facts is met by a refusal to believe anything I've told him. So I gave up writing to him.

I think I've been very lucky because as visible as I am on the internet, I've only very rarely come into contact with people like this and certainly no-one as unkind and disturbed as this character seems to be. I have no idea what I've done to upset him so much, or to make him think he knows so much about my life by reading a few blog entries and my twitter page. After the last message a couple of weeks ago (which I didn't respond to) I went to bed that night and tried to read a book, but as I held the book I noticed my hands were still shaking after reading his message earlier that evening. I will admit that his last message reduced me to tears, because I'm astounded anyone can be that nasty to someone they don't really know. I've tried to understand why it upsets me so much and I think it's because he seems to totally misunderstand who I am, what my values are, and what my life is like. And even when I try to tell him he's made the wrong assumptions, he just doesn't listen.

Dealing with this when Leon and I are struggling to stay positive in the wake of his cancer diagnosis hasn't been easy, as it's another layer of stress on top of everything else. Briefly, it has even made me reconsider blogging, tweeting, and sharing so much of my life and work with you all on the internet. But then I realised that 99.9% of the people I interact with online are lovely, kind, and supportive people - the same people who thank me for sharing my life as a working artist, telling me that it inspires and motivates them - and I don't want to give that up because it brings me a lot of satisfaction and happiness.

I don't want to tell you exactly what he has said to me but I will share one of his 'gems' with you. He informed me that over the past four years I've only sold a "minute amount of work" and that he hopes I have "rich parents" because I'll never be able to support myself through my artwork.

Now, Mr Dick Wad, or whatever your name is, you can accuse me of a lot of things, but "selling a minute amount of work" isn't one of them.

A quick look at my online shop will show you that I've had 265 sales in less than three years (I mention this because it's visible to all, so 'he' can see I'm not lying), and on top of that you can add sales of paintings through galleries, paintings sold privately, as well as painting and illustration commissions for private individuals and companies, and royalty fees through the licensing of my work etc. etc.

I've kept a record of every painting I've sold since 2003/04 (again, where he got "the past four years" from I'll never know because I've been working as an artist for longer than that), and I could go through the sales and total them up if I really wanted to, but it runs into hundreds of pieces. I've also never relied upon my parents for money (and no, Dick Wad, they're not "rich") and I'm proud to say that I support myself entirely through the sale of my artwork, without handouts from my parents, the state, or anyone else.

By the way, the next blog will contain the third and final reason why it's been quieter than usual on the blog over the past few weeks...and it's a very happy reason. :) See you soon! x

Comments

[Abby]

Wow, what a completely unpleasant man! What makes him think he can treat you this way and reduce you to tears?

I had a guy messaging me a couple of weeks ago, saying I didn't deserve success and was never going to make it as an illustrator. He wrote to me a day later to say he did it because he was bitter that his wife was not making way in her illustration career. What he said made me cry too, how can someone you don't know make a judgment and make you so feel uneasy? It makes me so angry!

I hope you don't have to hear from him again. I imagine the fact you have posted this and the support you will receive because of it will turn him away!

I'm excited to hear your very happy news! :) Abby xx

[Natasha]

I'm really sorry to hear that you've had a similar problem, Abby. What the hell is wrong with these people? And even worse: men making young women cry. They must feel really proud of themselves.

I hope I don't hear from him again, but he's so predictable I'm sure I will, especially if he sees this blog post.

Take care and keep your chin up - your work is brilliant!

Natasha xx

[Sam Gibson]

It's never pleasant being the target of an internet troll. The best thing to do is ignore the twat and not engage in his particularly sad brand of net sport. Nothing good will come of trying to reason with a prat. Rise above the idiot and float away. You are awesome, he is a tiny weeny splat of pondweed who hides behind an anonymous internet persona bullying women. Your work is amazing, you are funny and clever, I know this because I look at your work and read your words. I think it would be quite something to know you in real life. Well done you .x

[Georgia Coote]

Natasha I feel so angry reading this - I just don't understand why someone would want to do this. Anyway, your work is fantastic, and you always come across as such a lovely person, I really hope that this is now the end of it for you. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and wishes, Georgia xx

[Jess]

I agree with everything the previous posters offering support have said. Unfortunately there are some very insecure people out there who feel the need to bring down the successful and the happy to make themselves feel better. I honestly believe that to be true in this case. Remember your achievements, your successes and your strength Natasha because this guy who's targetting you doesn't have any of these things, sad as that is. Pity him and remember to rise above it xx

[evan]

Hi, N, -it is my suspicion that it is the combination of your beauty (based on a few photos) & success that's set this guy off. There's also a kind of randomness to it all- like being crapped on by a bird- the first time, anyway. Personally, I'd allow this guy's comments- let him reveal himself to everybody what a total douche he is. I wont presume to tell you how to feel, I can be angry for hours sometimes over random act of assholeness, but as is demonstrated by the current responses- you have support & allies. It is the anonymity that the internet provides that makes things so easy for predators like this guy- a coward in an electronic jungle. And, gotta love the fact that he can't be found- I haven't sold anything in a long, long, (sigh) very long time- but you can still see my stuff if you google my name (BTW, I'm not the famous jazz saxaphone-ist)- so any claims about HIS art...pffft. As the saying goes- "Living well is the best revenge." So is an Etsy store that's mostly sold out. I bet. :) And apologies- I start with the intent of writing a note, & end up sending a tome.
~Evan

[nicky]

Sending you my support - can imagine how upsetting this is for you. Be strong! If all else fails - keep the emails and forward them to the police.

[H]

What an idiot. So sorry to hear that this person has made a hard situation more difficult for no other reason, it seems, than his own amusement.

You don't have to justify yourself to him, or anyone. Do what you do (and you do it adeptly) and enjoy it.

Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter.

With luck he'll get bored soon and disappear for good x

[Dorothy]

So sorry to hear about this Natasha .... it's cruel, bullying, depraved behaviour. From blogs and our personal communication I know you are a kind, thoughtful, compassionate and sensitive person who works very, very hard. As far as your work goes, I know I'm no art critic but the various pieces I've bought are delightful. They make me happy and I love them. They are still very much enjoyed. Much love.

[Ersi Marina]

Dear Natasha, you have all my support. I'd like to add that you are not just dealing with a bully and an insensitive person, you are dealing with someone seriously disturbed. He's focused his attention on you and has become obsessed with you. Don't ever answer him again, disregard him completely, he means to engage you in painful exchanges. You could never convince him of anything because he sees reality through the distortion lense that is his mind. Keep clear of him and do report him to the authorities if he persists.

[Bree]

Wow, he sounds like an online stalker. Honestly, I would recommend cutting off all communication with him altogether. Block his IP and e-mail addresses everywhere and anywhere. If something does get through, try to avoid reading it and definitely don't respond in any way as it'll only encourage him to continue. I'm so sorry you've got this bully on your hands... but I did want to let you know that I am another of one of your many fans and that you have all my support. As an aspiring artist myself, I really admire you for your progress and success.

[Katherine Herriman]

Gosh, you have been in the wars. He sounds mentally ill and you cannot reason with someone who is unhinged. This isn't about you, it's about him. i absolutely agree with the last two commenters, Ersi and Bree -- Do not feed the troll!

[Mary]

Dear Natasha,

Best wishes to you and Leon. I'm sending positive vibes across cyberspace and best wishes.

Looking forward to the third post....:-)

[Mary Duggan]

How horrible for you. The advice everyone has given is really sensible. Ignore, do not respond, and keep on nurturing your creativity.
Mary xx

[Erika]

Hi Natty,
Unfortunately, this sort of thing is the risk we run by having public lives on the internet , and it does bear considering those risks before we post.

Don't feel too bad (much easier said than done, I'm afraid), you are certainly not the first person that this has happened too. Another etsy artisan I follow (a jewelry maker) was harrassed this way also. She felt very hurt too, and it seemed to be an attack on her success.

Obviously this guy is super jealous of your talent and success. Like most bullies, this guy gets his jollies by getting a response from you. Ignore him. A person like this enjoys hurting others, and by responding you will only give him satisfaction. And your friends and admirers know the real truth about you and will continue to support you.

My best to Leon.
Erika

[Fiona]

How bad is this on top of everything else? I think if he is really vile and threatening you should go to the police. I guess this is a spin off of our open society - it gives a voice to nasty people. Ugh!

[Jessie]

I know its easy to say this but we have to feel pity for pathetic idiots like this who assume they know everything about our lives and personality from our internet presence. How shallow minded they are and how very sad and lonely they must be to stoop to such levels. Sad and lonely they will remain if they treat people like this! I'm glad to hear you're not going to be put off blogging and tweeting, there are so many of us who enjoy reading your blog. Sending good wishes to you and Leon.xx

[Paula]

Well, I just got blasted on Twitter and I remembered your post. Whether you know the person or not, whether they are crazy or not, it hurts.

Be strong, know that we love your work, and that whatever is motivating this guy isn't your problem; the problem is all his. Your continued success is the best response.

Best wishes from Canada!!!

[Samantha]

Oh my gosh, I haven't been keeping up with my blog reading, and I had no idea this was going on. I'm so sorry something like this had to happen to you. This happened to me a couple of years ago, and I know how horrible it can feel, especially the first time you are targeted by a troll.

I learned the hard way that ignoring them is the best policy. It's really, really hard, because it's natural to want to defend yourself when they are saying such horrid and virulent things, but really, just try to block, ignore, and get on with your very successful life.

These people are just pathetic, sad individuals who have no real successes in their own life, and can only get a sense of satisfaction by tearing down those who have achieved the things they wished for themselves. They're sick and disturbed, and cannot be reasoned with logically.

I know it's hard, but keep your chin up. Your art is lovely. I have been following it for years, and I know you will rise above.

Blessings to you and Leon (who will be in my thoughts and prayers), and Ruby and Issy. Your art touches and blesses so many people. Just keep doing what you do so well.