Oh, what a week...

Well, here I am, resurfacing from what we'll call the 'twilight zone'. Since I arrived in Paris on Tuesday evening (3rd Jan), it's been an incredibly difficult week. My worries about possibly not feeling well enough to travel after my flu were unfounded and I made it here feeling really quite good, despite the long journey. I was so glad/relieved to see Leon at the Gare du Nord, and I felt positive and happy and better than I had for a whole month.

That lasted for about three hours.

Later that evening, I started feeling very tired and 'off'...just a little odd, really. By the time I went to bed I was starting to feel as if a migraine was starting, and indeed it was. I slept very little that night, feeling dizzy and weird, and unfortunately kept disturbing Leon too. Leon went off to work in the morning and I finally managed to sleep until late morning. I woke up feeling quite a bit better, and pleased that maybe I'd been able to stop it before it really got started. No such luck. It came back that afternoon and I spent the rest of Wednesday on the couch feeling really awful. Oddly, when I woke up on Thursday morning, I was a lot better and I had a pretty good day, just relaxing and pottering around the apartment (I've learned from experience that I must always take it easy after a migraine attack). We went out on Friday morning for a few hours, which was my first trip outside since arriving. While out, my head started throbbing and I noticed I was sensitive to light. I also felt somewhat weak and a little off balance. When we arrived home later that day, it hit me with full force.

I couldn't do anything. I felt dizzy, nauseous, sensitive to light and experiencing blurred vision and white flashes, accompanied by an incredibly painful headache and other bizarre symptoms. I guess that quite a few of you reading this will have experienced migraines and will know how it feels. If you haven't, you may be under the impression that it's just "a really bad headache". I can tell you that I've had many really bad headaches in my life and a migraine is a different beast entirely. When it's at its worst, you literally can't do anything. It's incredibly scary and you honestly feel as if you might die. I actually find that the pain is the least scary symptom. It's the dizziness, sickness and vision problems that fill me with fear. I feel incapacitated and as if I have no control over anything. I can barely eat, and despite the fact that sleep seems to be the one thing that helps, I find it hard to sleep as I can't relax enough, nor lie my head down without feeling dizzy and nauseous - not exactly conducive to good sleep!

Anyway, it got worse and worse, but I somehow managed to sleep a bit. But I then woke up at about 3:30am and completely freaked out. I felt worse than I ever have, and I was genuinely terrified that I was about to die. It sounds melodramatic, but if you've experienced migraine at its worst you'll know what I mean. It's hard to believe that you'll ever feel 'normal' again, or that you're not dying from a stroke/brain tumour/mystery illness. Leon tried to calm me down but I was so ill and so scared that he called the emergency doctor (something he'd been wanting to do all evening but I'd stopped him as I didn't want to have to deal with a doctor - it sounds silly given that I was so ill, but I just wanted to be left alone).

So at around 4:30am, a young French doctor with a brilliant grasp of English arrived and performed a multitude of different tests on me, including some quite bizarre ones! He confirmed I was indeed having a migraine attack, but other than that I was apparently neurologically 'ok' and didn't need to go to hospital for a CT scan (?) - I was ok to stay at home and just 'ride it out' with the help of some medication. He also examined my neck and apparently I have a problem with the muscles on the left side of my neck, which he believes are partially the cause of my attacks. I never knew about this, but it makes perfect sense - my migraines are almost always on the left side of my head. (He didn't know this fact until after he discovered the neck problem, so I'm inclined to believe he's right).

I finally started to feel better on Sunday, but even then I slept for about five or six hours during the day! I feel drained and even now, on Monday, I'm still not 'right'. But I'm taking it easy and trying to get well again - I've also been researching as much as I can about this condition, and came across this interesting article which really struck a chord with me, as I believe that my migraines are also related to anxiety, and it's no secret that I've had anxiety (or panic) attacks in the past (I'm 'holding' a lot of the tension from this in my shoulders and neck). I'm going to see my own doctor when I get back to the UK and try to get to the bottom of this once and for all. I need to address the underlying cause of the migraine and I hope we can do that. I have to remain hopeful and try to be positive even though I'm scared and feeling pretty down right now.

I hope that by writing about this and sharing my recent experience, it will maybe help someone else out there too and you'll know you're not alone. If any of you would like to share your experiences with migraine or any advice you have in dealing with them, I'd love to hear from you - please feel free to leave a comment below. Thanks. x

*Just so you know - I've changed my mind about the frequency of the blog posts and most of the time I'll be posting just once a week instead of twice. Twice a week, every week, is going to be too much for me. It's already shaping up to be a busy year - more on that soon! - and with my work schedule and current health problems, I want to be a bit kinder to myself. I'll try to post regularly, at the beginning of every week.

Comments

[Su (TinyAcorns)]

If you're thinking about treatment for the muscles to help the migraines then this place might help - it's near Woodbridge and I went there years ago and they were brilliant (although I didn't go there for migraines but I imagine they're good for all conditions). http://www.woodbridgephysio.co.uk/conditions-we-treat
Just a thought :-)

Su

[Erika]

Sorry about the migraines!! I get them occasionally, less now, fortunately. Something that helped me is called Migra-Eeze. The active ingredient is an herb called butterbur. It also has ginger (for nausea) and riboflavin (a B vitamin). Just follow the directions on the bottle. It helped more than the prescriptions from the neurologist. Also, I had to go on blood pressure medicine, which seems to have helped the migraines (go figure).

How great to have a doctor make a "house call." In the US you would have had to go to the emergency room and spend several hours.

Hope the rest of your time in Paris is better!

[Erika]

P.S. Can't wait for Ghost Birds to open! I'm really excited about it :)

[Louise @Thirtyfive FLowers]

I'm so sorry, what an awful thing for you to have to go through. I have suffered from mild migraines in the past, with the flashing lights and tightening pain around my head but my Mum suffered badly from migraine when we were little, with just the symtoms you describe. Her favourite chair was a wingback type because she could rest her head upright. It still makes me mad when people claim to have a migraine but are going about their day as normal, they don't like it when I tell them they don't have a migraine!
Really hope your doctor is able to help you find a solution and wishing you well x

[Jane Hinchliffe]

Hi Natasha, I am so sorry to hear about your awful experience in Paris. Sounds very scary indeed. I have never suffered from migraines but my mum does. She finds diet and keeping stress at bay are the key components for trying to manage her migraines. She often has to end up taking a heavy duty tablet that she gets from the doctor for severe bouts. This leaves her feeling very weak and feeling quite weird but does manage the sickness somewhat. I hope when you return to the UK you can find some help. I think definately follow up on your neck. Take care.

[cath]

Hope your feeling much better really soon. Sending positive thoughts and wishes x

[Jess]

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering with migraines. I used to get them and they caused loss of vision which was very scary so I know how you feel! I found acupuncture helped them to go. It took several months but it was worth it. It's likely to be hormone related, that's why holistic cures get to the bottom of it better than just treating the symptom of pain.I hope you manage to find a cure.
Jess xx

[Evan]

Despite never having migraine problems, the idea that neck muscles & anxiety attacks all playing a part...oh hell yeah!!!! I am a firm believer that emotions (or stress), especially emotions not being dealt with/confronted (OK, that's in MY case) play out in the body. I don't know why we as Westerners have this remove, that shit playing out in our heads is separate from physical symptoms (they can be- I experienced a biceps rupture New Years day- purely a physical thing- a shoulder impingement sawing away at a tendon). I can tell the level of my stress by where it is in my back- the higher the stress, the further up my back it manifests...the other thing to remember is that the subconscious & the body don't differentiate between negative stress (the economy's in the crapper) & positive stress (woohoo- Gonna spend a month with my lover!).
Last bit my tome here- Hildegard of Bingen- composer & artist- many scholars looking at her more "visionary" work are convinced that the imagery is migraine induced...so you're in good company- not that it's a club you'd want to be a member of. You'll figure it out...I've seen you in glasses in pics haven't I? Hell, it could be your prescription...

[Dorothy]

Hi Natasha,
Sorry to hear about this dreadful and persistent migraine but as you've twigged it isn't so surprising given the stress and anxiety you've been under. Also you've had a lot to cope with this last year and as well you've been working really hard with long hours trying to get work finished for a long time. Sadly it's so often when we have the chance to let the pressure ease off a bit that our bodies "revolt" as it were and we get sick in one way or another. I think with the insight and some medical help and also with being just a tad more balanced about how much work you really can tackle (easier said that done when one is self-employed and artistic as well and more or less has to "dance to the tune" and pace of commissions (people can be told you are busy however and that work will take longer to complete .... not because you are ill but because you ARE busy). I think you will indeed work it out and hopefully migraines will become a thing of the past, but do take care of you .... work has to fit around you (the dead don't work .... least not as far as I know).
Loads of love, Dorothy

[Carolyn]

I get migraines myself from time to time. They are truly awful. Interestingly, when I went to a physical therapist for arm pain, she did something called myofascial therapy on my neck and it really helped my headaches. It is like a massage technique where they gently manipulate your muscles and fascia by pulling on them. It felt so good. It seems like the best thing for my headaches is to try to nip them in the bud as soon as they start coming on. Otherwise they are a lot harder to get rid of.

I also believe stress is also the cause of many sicknesses. If you are interested in this, you might like to read the books by John Sarno. Most doctors view him as a quack, but I tell you reading his book totally cured me of RSI in my arms which was quite severe. I also get panic attacks and anxiety so I believe there is a certain "personality" that is more prone to these problems. There are so many testimonials out there that there has to be something to it.

[Ersi]

Hello Natasha :) I can only try to help by telling you about my own experience with migraines. I used to get the whole package, just like you, and I was ill and useless for two or three days in a row. In my case, the only thing that helped is taking a pill at the very instant I feel the first symptoms. Ibuprophen works for me. Maybe you don't like the idea of medicating yourself but you must know by now that suffering the migraine attack takes a far worse toll on your organism.
Migraines can be mostly psychosomatic. Our body acts out the stress, fatigue and anxiety of our psyche. There can also be physical causes: cervical tension is a killer. And we do tend to "carry" the weight of our anxieties on our neck and shoulders. Migraines may be a by-effect of medication we may be taking. Or our body's nasty way of screaming "slow down there, you're wearing me out!"
Whenever I have migraine symptoms I need to sleep propped un on 3 or 4 pillows. Lying flat on the bed only worsens the pain, I guess it's because the cervicals are not well supported. And maybe because the bloodstream to our brain increases and so does the pressure there.
You don't have to go through the pain and the suffering till the doctors discover the cause of your migraines. Untill they do, kill them with pills. Migraines do your brain no favour.
xx

[kamagra]

I hate migraine,I experience this before. I observed migraine attacks me when I'm too much busy,stress,heat outside and lack of sleep. I know what you felt.